Notes from Wait is Not a Four Letter Word

Notes from Wait is Not a Four Letter Word, By Rotimi Iyun

 

I was also up to reading this Rotimi Iyun’s o so hilariously put together, yet, deeply spirited book dedicated to single women. It was such a good read, with a lot of notes taken by me, from which I’m sharing a few. Many blessings to her for pouring out so seamlessly, and to Chioma for making us, at the singles women club, to read it.

I’d share some notes according to the book chapters.

 

  1. Wait- whose fault is it anyway?

“this fundamental difference (between the way we see time & the way God does) creates significant tension as we count out days and hours while God is looking at the overall purpose He has planned for us.”

  1. Wait- I already had my chance

“God has promised beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for morning- take him up on his offer”

  1. Wait- you mean forever?

“living your dreams will not preclude your husband from coming, it will quickly showcase the ones who are not going in the direction God is leading you.”

  1. Wait- I’m burning here

“settle it in your mind and heart that you want to stay free from fornication and sexual sin”

“respect yourself enough to place the same value on you that God does”

“you need to put checks in place to help you keep pure because your will cannot always be relied upon to keep you out of trouble”

“we need to ensure we are building ourselves up and not setting ourselves up for sin”

“you need to fight impure thoughts with God’s word”

“make up your mind that you will live sexually pure before God, and don’t be afraid to let other people know your struggles”

  1. Wait- about that biological clock?
  2. Wait- it’s a life skill!

“understanding the why (marriage is important to you) will not only help you gain clarity on your motives, it will help you identify disparities in potential spouses motives… (and) brings to light the things you need to address”

“understanding what you are expecting from marriage will help determine what you need to give to get what you want”

  1. Wait- who am I waiting for?

“everything may not look the way we want it to. We may not get everything we ask God for, but when we trust God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, to see beyond our earthly limitations to a future that only He can see; He will surprise us with the best of what we need as only God can do”

  1. Wait- it’s an action word!

“waiting becomes easier when we understand what we need to be consumed with during that period”

  1. Wait- now what!

“… are you able to set aside your feelings and longings… to rejoice with the person who has the good news now?”

“God, not time, will heal all wounds and restore your heart to a place of health and joy as you stay open to him”

“Give your fears to God and trust that he has your best interest at heart”

“… stop the cycle of hurt with healing only God provides”

  1. Wait- you’re not helping!

“there will be multiple times when some single lady around you will grow tired, and her hands will hang down. Be sensitive to the need around you and lift up those weary hands. It’s not always in words; it’s never an act of pity- it’s a sign of solidarity, a token to say we are in this time together and I am here when you need me”

  1. Wait- we’re not done yet!

“what makes living a worthwhile alternative is faith”

“we need faith. We will only be able to live by faith”

“… faith speaks the word of God to circumstances around it. Faith believes the promises God has spoken. Faith acts on the instructions God has given. Faith hopes even in the face of the impossible.”

“waiting is letting go of a compromising alternative because you trust there is something greater ahead of you”

“don’t forget that God has been faithful in the past. Remind yourself of what God has done for you, your friends and your enemies, then wait for His plan for you to unfold.”

“don’t move ahead of God and compromise your standards”

“the time of waiting… is a time of expectation that concentrates on the joy set before you and prepares you to enjoy the fulfilment of the promise”

 

I hoped you enjoyed reading along.

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Notes from Solid…

Notes from Solid, Building the Marriage of Your Dreams, by Godman Akinlabi, (A 40-day adventure)

 

I actually read this as part of my daily devotionals across many days (missing some days and doubling/tripling up on some other days). I found it quite inspiring and took a lot of notes, of which I’m here to share a few. But I will first like to appreciate the pastor of our singles ministry at church, who shared this book with some of us as a gift. Many blessings.

So, notes are shared according to their modules. The units without any notes are however left vacant, but yet mentioned so we can get to know what completing the module feels like. Modules are emboldened, and units are bulleted.

 

Modules

Communication

  • No more secrets
  • No more constant criticism
  • No more unacountability
  • No more stone walling
  • No more contempt

 

Growing together

  • Your spouse, your friend

“call your spouse your best friend. Just say it! Sometimes when you really mean it, your hearts and actions will catch up to your words. So if it’s really your desires to be best friends with your spouse, start by daring to open your mouth to vocalize it. As you make new affirmations, you will find yourself acting in a manner that is consistent with your words”

  • In loving submission

“sometimes you will need to submit to your partner simply to show that you care”

  • Reinforce your foundation
  • The saving grace of an apology
  • Have you really thought about me?

“you are a product of what occupies your mind…”

 

Love and Sex

  • The gift of the drive
  • Pleasure or pain
  • Crucial conversations about sex I
  • Crucial conversations about sex II

“whatever it is, speak up. Confide in your spouse. Be sincere, direct and vulnerable with your spouse. If it is something you are unable to resolve together, see a trusted expert or counsellor to help you over that hump. Suffering in silence is not the answer. Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.”

  • Reignite the fire

 

Emotional Intelligence

  • Controlling anger I
  • Controlling anger II

“if you feel you are about to lose it, remove yourself from that situation”

“if your spouse struggles with expressing anger, don’t provoke him or her unduly. Give them space and help them to find a healthy way to express grievances.”

  • Growing up emotionally
  • Getting out of red: maintaining a fat emotional account
  • Selective amnesia

 

Different Strokes

  • Trading places
  • Accept your differences

“Embracing your spouse’s background and upbringing gives you a chance to learn something new and you might just grow to love that thing that is so different.”

  • Reconcile irreconcilable differences
  • How to handle cultural differences
  • Love your spouse the way he or she understands

 

Facing hard times

  • When storms come
  • Till death do us part
  • Dealing with the slump
  • Keeping love alive in a recession

“the absence of plenty doesn’t equal the absence of God. Seasons of dryness gives opportunity for us to encounter God.”

“the recession can bring out a side of you your loved one didn’t know you had. Ensure it brings out the best not the worst in you! Then your love will deepen instead of fade.”

“communicate your support to your spouse. If you are both doing well, give yourselves some well deserved praise. If times are currently tough, give each other some much needed support. Speak affirming words into your situation and act on some of the ideas you have evolved.”

  • To chill or to thrill

“you must start again to water each other’s emotions with sincere compliments, regular validation, frequent encouragement, consideration, affection and so on.”

 

Faithfulness

  • Dealing with exes
  • Drink from your own well
  • Picket fences and brick walls

“for the most part, your friends and family do not need to be shut out; they just neeed to be shown what lines they are not permitted to cross”

  • To flirt or not to flirt

“don’t treat third parties with more honour and respect than you do your spouse.”

“remember that even if you don’t follow through to the bedroom, flirting with your wife keeps things fun and exciting”

  • Fight fair

“if you cannot forgive, you will fall out of love”

“healthy couples fight for resolution; unhealthy couples fight for their personal victory”

“wisdom, tact and good timing are key for reaching resolutions”

 

A solid home: Dealing with the incidence of third party contributors

  • The place of authority figures
  • Loving the in-laws
  • Money matters

“your family and relationships are irreplaceable. Money is everywhere.”

  • Baggage

“the problem with baggage is that… we transfer and affect people… even when we don’t want to”

  • Foolish friends

“cut (foolish friends) off. You don’t want (foolishness) falling on you by accident”

“… you should not throw pearls to swine”

“Do a relationship audit. Do you need certain kinds of people to enrich your lives? How can you befriend such people? Evolve a line of action.”

 

Hope you learnt something worthy or reinforced something you already knew.

We tarry here!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.[a]Because of the joy[b] awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people;[c] then you won’t become weary and give up. (Heb. 12: 1-3. NLT).

NKJV reads it thus, “let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus,”

Fam, the work is real:

  1. Putting aside every weight that slows us down (or holds us back, according to The Living Bible) and sin that ensnares us!
  2. Let us run with endurance!
  3. Looking unto Jesus (as per our super role model) [who endured the hardship on the way because of the reward ahead, and has now won the victory]!

If you are anything like me, the desire to call it quits has come up o so often and you’re almost always sure you’re not doing again (whatever it is that is seemingly tasking at the moment). Thank God for the reminder that we have a cloud of witnesses that have gone ahead of us! Thank God that we are not alone in this. Thank God that we can be encouraged to put aside all distractions (including tiredness and feel bads), and run with endurance, the race set before us…

Hab 2:3 promises that though it lingers (and even becomes annoying so oft, lol), it won’t delay. So? Tarry! Tarrying requires determination!

Be determined to win! Tarry here and there and wherever else you have to!

I will do same!

May God continue to strengthen us!

A listening ear might be all you need

So yesterday night, I felt really tired!

I had flunked a test or so, browsing network had disappeared and I was just tired of work shifts! I felt lost at the point! I felt too frustrated for words! Nothing seemed to be happening right and I felt too lost to think of any missing link. I just felt like quitting!

I was praying and panicking at the same time! And I sincerely could not see God, even though I was calling on him.

I felt clueless…

Thankfully, my sister-friend was right within reach, and by some courage, I told her what I was going through… (except the part that I flunked a test. Even me, I have not accepted that yet).

She was amazingly there! Listened. Shared her own stress-moments and encouraged me.

In less than an hour of our gist, I felt better.

Not that the problems suddenly disappeared, but they just stopped to matter. I was able to focus again on joy and happiness.

I owe her a hug.

Many blessings to friends who come through!

The devil is a Liar!

When I started my post about Journey back to the Center, I had only just wanted to encourage myself as I returned back to my faith in God, in refocusing on him alone. I mentioned here how I had started to have trust issues with God at some point. But as I was just reading this post, it dawned on me how much I had unknowingly let the enemy win! Imagine having trust issues with God, how then do I win the battle of life, please? That’s all of the battle lost already at one go!

The devil is a liar fam, and he’s at work! But thank God Jesus has already won the victory! So, we equally get back to work! We arise again and fight for our faith, and fight till the finish line!

He sows seeds of doubt, of fear, of confusion: “Did God say?” Then, you start to doubt your self and second guess your God. The devil is a liar indeed, but thank God for sure victory; so we stay winning. We fall? We arise and continue.

We stay joyful, we stay winning, we stay faithful, we stay Godly! We say no to the devil and all of his strategies! We stay alert to God and to his victory!

And you know one good way? Not neglecting the gathering of fellow believers! So that once you are down, another can pull you up, directly or indirectly. Thank you, E for this post, thanks for sharing.

Thank you, Jesus!

Journey back to the Center (2)

I wasn’t even planning on writing any sequel. But since I can keep sharing, why not?

For God?

Without even knowing it, I had become this person who would no longer only do things for God to bless her. People have taken so much advantage of me, I will convince myself; so, no more. I would look out for myself and will be sure I was first safe, always, before doing for people. I was saying no to emotional trauma, after all, and was right by my own standing. But guess where that plunged me into? Trust issues with God.

Yes, with God!

I went from this all believing, God-just-say-the-word-and-I’m-doing-it-right-away-girl to some new God-you’ll-have-to-prove-to-me-that-I’m-safe-before-I’m-doing-this-girl. And actually, it was just one ‘bad’ experience that plunged me into all of this o. I’m the type of person that learns her lessons the first time. Once is usually enough for me to get it. But this time around, I didn’t realize that I was doing myself in by myself, so I ‘saved myself’ and missed out on all of the God adventure…

Sad…

But thank God for the realization of how empty these past months have been without the thrill of God at the center: of doing things with the focus on ‘for him to bless you’ (even if that’s all you eventually get). It’s been frustrating, to be honest, these past months of looking out for myself: so much hard work with little/no results… Because, guess what, it didn’t stop no one from taking advantage, lol…

So, I’m gladly back again, to doing it for God, and trusting that he’ll carry me through whenever the strength fails me, which is looking like every day.

I am also trusting/praying/hoping that I will be fine learning to trust God again, and not have to constantly give God that stare of are-you-still-here-with-me-though?

That I will consistently give it all up to him yet again (and still be fine). It feels painful and I don’t even know why. It should be fine, shouldn’t it?

 

 

 

 

 

Journey back to the Center

So, I found myself realizing how much I have allowed myself to become so overwhelmed by every other thing except the main thing: my relationship with God.

It was not sudden. It gradually became the norm to think of myself first; to catch up with me- what next/career etc… Good stuff, very much, which can, however, never replace the main thing: my relationship with God.

I’m glad for the current teaching series on (a relationship with) the Holy Spirit (in my church) and for how much I have become aware of how distant I have become from this ever needed daily relationship. It is as bad as I have for instance, totally forgotten about rewards that will be given in heaven in honor of the works we’ve done on earth for Christ’s sake… I was nearly ashamed at this realisation.

But I’m grateful for my commitment at returning and staying and growing from the center: from my relationship with God, and more grateful for God himself who always brings us back to himself regardless of how far we’ve gone.