Out of the web

He first saw it live on his aunt’s computer screen. She had always lived with his family, and after she had realized that she shared the same (weird) hobby with him, she had begun to draw him closer to herself. They both loved studying. She first noticed the traces in his curiosity as a growing boy. He would ask her all sorts of questions that she considered more than his age. She had first discouraged him and explained that such behavior would make him to be tagged as a nerd and to become an object of caricature by/for his peers. She however realized that it was a passion that he could hardly control (like hers) then, she began to encourage that habit. She would invite him into her room to study when she was, and afterwards, they would discuss the key points from their study material. Whenever his siblings’ play disturbed his study time in his own room, she would invite him into her room to evade such distractions. After a while of observing him and concluding that he had no pilfering habits, she granted him access to her room in her absence.

One solo study day in his aunt’s room, he grew tired of serious study and wanted something a bit unserious and entertaining. He mopped around for anything that would catch his attention, but nothing seemed forthcoming. He dived on the bed to rest a while as an alternative and as he bounced on the pillow, a novel flew up. He was about to return the book to its position when the cover caught his attention. He had seen his classmates exchange novels with such covers but was never really interested in finding out what they were all about. He considered them too unserious for his taste. This day was different. He was ready to engage any unserious stuff; especially something from his beloved aunt’s room.

As he flipped the pages, it got more interesting. He was excited about the sensual descriptions he met on the pages of the book. It was his first time coming across such. He had never really considered that his body could work in the way that was being described. Nothing that was taught in his biology class really prepared him for this experience. He got to what he considered to be the core of the book: the description of the coitus, and that was when he caught himself wishing he was the man being described in the book. As his insides swelled with excitement, he heard footsteps approaching the door. He quickly returned the book to its position and returned to his serious study position. His life had however, already began to change.

His reasons for solo study moments in his aunt’s room began to change. His mind had begun to wander and to imagine all sorts of sensuality even at odd times. Whenever his aunt stepped out, he would neatly search her room for more unserious stuff. Initially, he wouldn’t find any, which frustrated him. He however learnt to put his frustrations to good use. He would pen down his own fantasies and read them instead. He also began to steal some glances from his friends’ exchanges at school. It gradually stopped being about the love stories between the characters of the book. It became more about the accompanying sexual experiences and about broadening his sexual fantasies. As he kept penning down his growing fantasies, he became less interested in the novels such that when he finally found a couple of them lying around in his aunt’s room, they could no longer match up to his expectations. He soon started to wonder if this wasn’t too much for his fourteen years, so he decided to pedal down a little bit. But it was already late: he couldn’t easily let go.

One day, his aunt had asked him to help her assess some serious stuff on her laptop. He had afterwards, diverted to mopping around his aunt’s system. He found his first video there and naturally preferred it to the novels. So he watched some more. He also memorized the computer’s password and would assess it whenever it was available for more.

The end drew near on the same day he considered himself a genius. His aunt had naturally first called him a genius because of his smart mind. His family had learnt to call him the same and would challenge him to several smart questions beyond his age, of which he never failed. He however considered their reasons very normal and wouldn’t address himself as such. He would only address himself as a genius after he had successfully innovated some serious stuff. So, on the day he saw it live for the first time on his aunt’s screen… the day he saw a clip exactly as one of his penned down fantasies, he accepted the genius title, but he was too afraid to be excited. It suddenly felt wrong. He knew this wasn’t any of the innovations he had aspired towards. This was solely supposed to be unserious stuff. So, it got him very worried and ashamed. As he closed his aunt’s computer, he began to panic. For the first time ever, he felt like a failure. He felt like reaching out for help but couldn’t share with anybody. He felt chained. As he walked out in shame, he bumped into his father.

It was his shivering that caught his father’s attention. As his father asked if all was well with him, he wished for the floor to open and swallow him up. He couldn’t look his father in the face so he bent his head and said nothing. Throughout that day’s dinner, he was morose and didn’t hear his mother ask him a smart question. While his siblings celebrated that their brother wasn’t that much of a genius, the elderly family members knew that something wasn’t really right.

The elderly ones were right because as the father walked across his son’s room later that night, he heard him sobbing. He listened closely and heard him ripping some papers. Confused, he tapped the door. After much silence, the father tapped the door again, and then tried the door knob. It was locked and the silence grew. Out of fear, his father jacked the door open. He found his son drowning himself in his bath tub.

After his return from the hospital, he explained his shame and fears to the elderly family members. His aunt felt bad and soon moved out of their house. His mother felt shocked and wouldn’t speak to anybody. His father however felt glad: glad for the chance to school his son that he was still normal and hadn’t really disappointed the family; glad for the opportunity to let his son know that he was just in the right phase of his teen life; and glad for the opportunity to be able to guide his own son through life experiences and disappointments.

To love and to let go

She didn’t see it coming. Nothing prepared her for it. They were just friends in her book. She couldn’t even remember the inception of their friendship, but somehow, they became best of friends. No strings were supposed to be attached. He was not particularly her spec; but although she wished he were a bit different in some ways, she never loved him any less. They shared the God kind- agape kind- of love, mixed with a lot of pleasantness and some dotes of fondness. They were able to talk freely about anything… until she had to travel out of the state.

Before her travel, he had said he would miss her. The weight was in the way he said it- the emotions… but she was naïve and didn’t understand. She was only quite confused, because they had planned the trip together, and he was almost the instigator of the trip; so why would he claim to miss her that much? She would later consider this moment in retrospect, and understand why he would miss her that much, and wish for it to return, but it would be late.

They became long-distant friends due to her travel, and tried to maintain the friendship. They still considered themselves to be favorite buddies, and talked as much as they could. They were just great friends as long as she knew, until he traveled.

His travel was quite different. It was out of the country, and just as she would ever accuse him, out of sight gradually became out of mind from his angle. She accused him of not thinking much about her. She became angry, and wouldn’t be nice. She wouldn’t even consider that he may have been trying to re-adjust to his new life overseas. He responded, and begged her to understand and to be kind… she couldn’t… she hadn’t figured out the source and reason for her feigned bitterness. By the time she had it figured out: that she was missing him sorely, it was late… he would rather they were silent than having to fight all the time. And she agreed to the silence, as she’d rather sulk than reveal… she was afraid: was she supposed to miss him that badly? She was proud: he wasn’t her spec after all. She tried to chide herself out of it, but the more she did try, the more she realized that she had become emotionally attached to him.

Her friends told her she was in love, but she denied and defended: more to herself than to them. For the most part of her youth, she had carefully prevented and avoided running into such mess with her male friends, so it was hard for her to embrace her new reality.

Since they had become silent-communicating friends, they only way he would know about her new feelings for him was either by a vision or by her own mouth. She waited for the vision to help her out, but none of it was happening. She tried to joke about it and to send green lights, which all failed her. She decided and braced up and let him know. It was very bad; he had not just moved on, he had a girl.

She was left to struggle with herself, her God and her life. She accused life for being unfair, asked God why he watched and did nothing as she plunged into such mess, and chided herself for not being careful enough. But since the beginning of their friendship was vague and unclear to her, the end of it may have decided to be clearer.

 

From Eko Towers

The white expatriate with red scalp

And very soft looking

Very scanty black hair

That wouldn’t look my way

Was he afraid

Did I stare a little too hard

I still admired away

The beauty of our differences

 

The entrepreneur expatriate

Quite studious

Laptop open

Cup of coffee at hand

Or was that tea

Sitting on a table somewhat away

From the noise and the bustle

Scrolling away on his phone

Teaching me to work hard

 

The swimmer expatriate

In the pool

In the rain

In the cold

This must be a different kind of summer

In a way I am yet to experience

 

The cook

The butler

The steward

Domestic whites

Expatriates as well

Such an interesting world

 

The non expatriates

The Nigerians

The staff

The visitors

Alike in body

Different in soul

Some pleasant

Others not

 

The sole fish meal

The best in the pack

Took my soul away

And made me promise

To find a way to eat it as much as I can

 

Expectations… 2

revamped version…

Sweet baby speaks

Kindly check out the first part of this story before continuing.

My name is Zara and I like living as simply and as straight forward as possible. I hardly have the time to deal with complicated lifestyles, and I expect everyone to be able to at least, respect themselves and other people’s choices.

In taking up the opportunity of helping Ptem Company build their client base, I was looking forward to linking up with a lot of professionals and to expanding my network of friends in the process.  I however, did not expect that anyone would as much as verbally despise me for my style, especially, not a high ranking professional. You can thus, imagine my shock when Zite gave me such a ‘rude welcome’ to the company. At first I thought it was an expensive joke, and was willing to let it slide, and just casually remind him not to run sarcastic…

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Expectations

an updated… and intense version

Sweet baby speaks

My name is Zite, and just so you know, I’m a good catch. I’m as good as they come. I am the complete T.D.H package, and very loaded… you know. I am even the envy of my friends.

That should be a joke, please.

But you see, I’m very grateful for my current state in life. I have a beautiful wife; actually, the wife of my dreams. She’s tall, pretty, beautifully complexioned, adorned with some lovely skin, well curved and oh so physically blessed. She’s homely, kind and has that  ever enviable 10/10 taste in fashion. I love her. We have two lovely kids and I’m grateful. I just wish she’d be a little bit more.

It wasn’t made to come out like that, I’m sorry. I just want some more. That’s what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, my wife is perfect in her own way. At least, from what I’ve…

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The hope that never fails

If we believe in God, then we should know that hope in him does not fail, but that any who has lost hope in him has lost everything. We shouldn’t ever live in hopelessness. We are of God, and since God is our portion, we have hope that all things will work together for our good, no matter how dark the paths may appear. It doesn’t mean that we will not feel overwhelmed at times, it doesn’t also mean that we will always have it all figured out. But it means that we have faith that God will surely come through for us. In fact, we have faith that God has already come through for us in Christ Jesus, and that we only have to believe and to open up to receive. This is our hope. It therefore means that we approach God with our burdens in the faith that he that has called us is able to relieve us.

So, when next the going seems tough; when next we are at our wits’ end; when next we are exhausted ; when next giving up seems to be the easiest option, let us allow God to rekindle our flame of hope. Let us let hope pull us through. Let us believe that he who has said it will bring it to pass. We have a God who cannot lie. Since he sent the sun to shine by day, and the moon, by night; since he sent forth man to dominate and multiply, he has never gone back on his word.

So, what is it that is deeply depressing you? What is it that is eating you up? Believe that God has already finished that situation, just ask to be shown how to go about it. He’ll show you how to pull through, because that’s what he does. He doesn’t ask us to hope in vain. If we dare to believe. If we only but try. Even if our faith is as small as a mustard seed, we can still utilise it in that same size to hope for the best in every situation.

So, the very next time you’re tempted to throw in the towel, don’t do it. Remember that someone has got you, and only needs you to dare to believe in him. This someone is God. If he made the heavens and the earth. If he created all that is seen and unseen, then, our hope in him is sure to be rewarded. Tough times may come, but people who chose to believe in God through it will persist, and will come out better and stronger.

So, let us always dare to hope in him that never fails.
God bless us all

Beyond limitations

I have heard some guys declare that they won’t ever pursue any serious (marital) relationship until they can easily afford certain amounts of money. Recently, a female friend expressed how annoyed she gets whenever she hears about (good) guys who delay pursuing a relationship with the girls of their ‘dreams’ because they feel they do not have the money to do so. I understand the source of my friend’s annoyance, but I’m not exactly annoyed by such. I’m rather more or less disappointed. My disappointment brews from the fact that such a guy has limited both his ability and the ability of his woman. I believe in the strength of a woman to support her man to success. I equally believe in the strength of a man to pursue his dreams. I have also seen women support their men unto greatness, and men attain success by consistently pursuing their dreams. I also know that money is something that we can never have enough of, such that what you think is a lot today can really be minute tomorrow. With these in view, I think it is unfairness to oneself to accept limitations because of money.

Money is very important. Currently, there’s little that can be bought on earth without money, and sometimes, having a lot of it enables one to achieve much. So, I can understand what it feels like for a guy when he has little, yet is interested in pursuing a serious relationship. I however know that more important than money in such a relationship is the matter of consent and agreement. Have you asked the girl out? Did she refuse because you do not have money? I really doubt that a (reasonable) girl that likes a guy will refuse to start a relationship with him because he doesn’t have money. In fact, I know a lot of cases where the girl takes it upon herself to assist her man in birthing wealth. She may delay getting married until you guys are able to afford some basic things, but she’ll hardly ever refuse starting a relationship with a man she likes because of that. So, before you as a guy starts deciding things like this, just ask first. She may even not like you that much. Is this not even more important (and painful) than not having money? So, imagine you’ve spent two years making money to impress a girl to start a relationship and then she lets you know that she isn’t interested. How useful/less would that make you feel? Before you announce to yourself that girls of these days like money, let me help to ask you, “do you want ‘girls of these days’ or do you want your own woman?”

Before you start limiting yourself to the strength of money, may you realise that it may not even be the money you think you have or do not have that your woman seeks. Are you responsible? That may be more important to her. Do you have integrity? She may prefer that to a million bucks. Do you have a good relationship with God? That may be the most important thing to her. So, be sure you know that having money isn’t having everything. Moreover, if you can chase a thousand (dollars) alone, with her, you’ll be able to chase ten thousand.

By the way, what if she has more money? What follows? You detest her for having what you are yet to have? Please don’t be like this. Please don’t let money determine such things for you. Be beyond limitations. Be great. Be courageous. Take a step of faith, and with God, all things will work together for good.

God bless you.

N.B: ‘guys’ and ‘girls’ have been used in the same sense as ‘ladies’ and ‘gentle men’.