Notes from Solid, Building the Marriage of Your Dreams, by Godman Akinlabi, (A 40-day adventure)
I actually read this as part of my daily devotionals across many days (missing some days and doubling/tripling up on some other days). I found it quite inspiring and took a lot of notes, of which I’m here to share a few. But I will first like to appreciate the pastor of our singles ministry at church, who shared this book with some of us as a gift. Many blessings.
So, notes are shared according to their modules. The units without any notes are however left vacant, but yet mentioned so we can get to know what completing the module feels like. Modules are emboldened, and units are bulleted.
Modules
Communication
- No more secrets
- No more constant criticism
- No more unacountability
- No more stone walling
- No more contempt
Growing together
“call your spouse your best friend. Just say it! Sometimes when you really mean it, your hearts and actions will catch up to your words. So if it’s really your desires to be best friends with your spouse, start by daring to open your mouth to vocalize it. As you make new affirmations, you will find yourself acting in a manner that is consistent with your words”
“sometimes you will need to submit to your partner simply to show that you care”
- Reinforce your foundation
- The saving grace of an apology
- Have you really thought about me?
“you are a product of what occupies your mind…”
Love and Sex
- The gift of the drive
- Pleasure or pain
- Crucial conversations about sex I
- Crucial conversations about sex II
“whatever it is, speak up. Confide in your spouse. Be sincere, direct and vulnerable with your spouse. If it is something you are unable to resolve together, see a trusted expert or counsellor to help you over that hump. Suffering in silence is not the answer. Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.”
Emotional Intelligence
- Controlling anger I
- Controlling anger II
“if you feel you are about to lose it, remove yourself from that situation”
“if your spouse struggles with expressing anger, don’t provoke him or her unduly. Give them space and help them to find a healthy way to express grievances.”
- Growing up emotionally
- Getting out of red: maintaining a fat emotional account
- Selective amnesia
Different Strokes
- Trading places
- Accept your differences
“Embracing your spouse’s background and upbringing gives you a chance to learn something new and you might just grow to love that thing that is so different.”
- Reconcile irreconcilable differences
- How to handle cultural differences
- Love your spouse the way he or she understands
Facing hard times
- When storms come
- Till death do us part
- Dealing with the slump
- Keeping love alive in a recession
“the absence of plenty doesn’t equal the absence of God. Seasons of dryness gives opportunity for us to encounter God.”
“the recession can bring out a side of you your loved one didn’t know you had. Ensure it brings out the best not the worst in you! Then your love will deepen instead of fade.”
“communicate your support to your spouse. If you are both doing well, give yourselves some well deserved praise. If times are currently tough, give each other some much needed support. Speak affirming words into your situation and act on some of the ideas you have evolved.”
“you must start again to water each other’s emotions with sincere compliments, regular validation, frequent encouragement, consideration, affection and so on.”
Faithfulness
- Dealing with exes
- Drink from your own well
- Picket fences and brick walls
“for the most part, your friends and family do not need to be shut out; they just neeed to be shown what lines they are not permitted to cross”
“don’t treat third parties with more honour and respect than you do your spouse.”
“remember that even if you don’t follow through to the bedroom, flirting with your wife keeps things fun and exciting”
“if you cannot forgive, you will fall out of love”
“healthy couples fight for resolution; unhealthy couples fight for their personal victory”
“wisdom, tact and good timing are key for reaching resolutions”
A solid home: Dealing with the incidence of third party contributors
- The place of authority figures
- Loving the in-laws
- Money matters
“your family and relationships are irreplaceable. Money is everywhere.”
“the problem with baggage is that… we transfer and affect people… even when we don’t want to”
“cut (foolish friends) off. You don’t want (foolishness) falling on you by accident”
“… you should not throw pearls to swine”
“Do a relationship audit. Do you need certain kinds of people to enrich your lives? How can you befriend such people? Evolve a line of action.”
Hope you learnt something worthy or reinforced something you already knew.