Lagos Structures in real life

I witnessed a house being built. In a very short while, it was completed. The house felt so weak in my sight. I could see walls cracking while under construction. I remember telling my friend that I wouldn’t let anyone I know to live there. However, the house was overly decorated when the time came. More was spent on the decoration than was spent on the solidification and construction. I was very sad about this. But then, I began to realize, as I saw people swoon over the house, that people were more interested in the beauty/cover of the house than in the beauty/essence of the house; and to this the house developers  may have played along. Now, this house has been sold at a very expensive rate, and its high bargainer was the beautification of the cover alone.  It made me wonder a bit about life, preferences and business. Sometimes, people set out to provide good value, but because people hardly care about the good values that are provided, they step down into producing what people actually value/care about, which is mostly nothing of essence. Beautification sells more in Lagos, and because these developers understood the fact, they banked on it and succeeded.

Then, I saw another house; not painted yet solid and attractive. I didn’t see this house built. I however desired that I could be allowed to take a closer look at the house. It felt to me as one of those houses built with good purpose. Like one of those houses designed to the dictates of an owner who cared more about essence than beautification. But since I do not live in it nor know in details about it, I will never know.

The other ever strong official constructions (along Ikoyi/V.I) also catch my attention for good. I love the details usually adhered to during construction, and sometimes, I stop to just take in the intelligence and input of quality and value. Of course, these constructions are made in high standards to the taste of the fully understanding (of quality and value) clients willing to pay for the cost of value. These edifices are equally appropriately decorated afterwards, and the complete packaging (of exterior and interior balance) thus, sweeps me off my feet. And if there is any goal that should be derived from this, it is to be good without as I am within!

In view of the above, I used to think that a not so attractive/adequately decorated structure was usually wonderful inside (in essence). Fortunately, I got to view a house, and discovered that it was “as good within as it was without” [that it was indeed ugly]- I was disappointed. It made me realize that ugly without is sometimes ugly within, so, it always helps to look a little bit closer before drawing conclusions.

So, structures in Lagos are as live experiencing as several other life-stuff. I have learnt that people will do “your” bidding, so, what are you bidding them to do? I have also learnt that you can get the best so long as you are willing to pay for it, and that you can get the worst if you are not very careful. What have you learnt? Let me hear you in the comments.

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Establishing boundaries

What should our boundaries be; from relationships to career, to finances, to social life, and every other aspect of life? How much should we exert into things, how should we apportion these, and how much should we let be exerted from us? What should be off limits at different times, what should be accommodated? For instance, as a student, it is usually said that the focus and primary call should be/is working towards excelling in studies; thus, every other thing becomes secondary. In a similar light, what should be primary and secondary in our lives?

It is right for us to start with working on our time usage. Important is the need to imbibe the consciousness that we all have the same 24 hours a day and to only take what we can appropriately ‘chew’ within this time. It may seem weird and a bit off that time is first called to mind when talking about boundaries, but time still remains our most valuable resource, and time-consciousness and value will ever influence our choice of activities. It is within this choice of activities that the call for setting boundaries comes to play. What then follows?

Next is to know what matters. What is important? What is urgent? What is priority? Necessary questions to ask are, “in this season of my life, what am I set to achieve?” “why am I in this stage of life?” “who should I become from this season?” Asking these questions (and more) will draw our minds towards the need for priority and will help us choose the appropriate activities that consequently bring to pass our expectations and desired results. In re-discovering priorities, we then start to know what should be primary and then, secondary. When we know what is primary, and secondary then we work towards putting off limits what should be, and keying into beneficial activities.

So, for a Christian single girl for instance, who has all the ‘unmarried’ time to be totally sold out to God, and to become the best version of herself [without the total responsibility of/for family], her goals should be channeled towards these directions, and based on these, she’d work out what should be accommodated and what should be off limits. She’d set her priorities right and learn to set boundaries around, and protect, and consequently achieve her goals.

Every one of us should therefore continuously work towards setting boundaries to protect and to help us achieve the goals of the different stages of our lives.

He’s in the middle of 2 girls.

I remember during the years of (senior)Primary school, when the teacher put a boy/girl between 2 girls/boys as the case may be, as his/her permanent seat for the entire term/session. The rest of the class usually considered the boy/girl a victim of misfortune, because the boy/girl in question was automatically ‘humbled’ until that position was reversed (unless the person in question was a natural-tyrant). The ‘humility’ usually arose as a result of the obvious side-lining by, and outnumbering of the opposite sex. The victim therefore had very low chances of winning any ‘seat’ argument/decision.

While I rejoice that I was never a victim in Primary School, I think this type of scenario often repeats itself in real adult situations, either by choice or ‘unforeseen’ circumstances.

Yesterday, I witnessed one inside one of our school taxis. These taxis which usually carry 3 in the back seat, already had I and a guy seated at both ends, waiting for the 3rd passenger. Shortly, as another lady opened the car-door at the guy’s side to enter and “complete us” for the brief journey, the guy jumped out, and asked the girl to sit in the middle. In shock and wonder, the girl asked why, and Mr young guy said “I cannot sit in between 2 girls”… oops!
That was a straw, because miss young lady got offended, and refused to oblige.
I was shocked too, very, but because of peace, and the fact that I wanted the vehicle to reach its destination immediately, I shifted to the middle, and pleaded with the lady to sit at ‘my’ end.

Of course the argument continued inside the car with the girl accusing him of low self esteem, and the guy refusing to be sidelined- it was an ‘uncultural’ thing for him…

So, people, what do you think of situations like these… Do they really mean anything?

A Few Good Men

 

Please, let me share with you an interesting BBM conversation I had with a good friend today.

 

Him:    Ping!

Me:      Hi Hi

Him:    Imagine the nonsense BC I just got

Men! Men!! Men ­!!!So complicated,So confusing,So hard to please.If u try 2 pls dem, u re cheap.If u make love (sex) to them, u’re a Love Peddler.If u don’t, u re playing hard to get.If u show dem u love dem, u’re too emotional.If u don’t show it, u don’t love dem.If u give them attention, u’re bugging them,if u don’t u’re with other men.If u demand for attention u’rea nagging woman,if u don’t u’re not understandableIf u dress sexy, u’re attracting other menIf u don’t , u’re awkward & local.If u cook & wash their clothes u’re desperateIf u don’t, u’re not a wife material.If u go to club/party, u’re tooexposedIf u don’t, u’re naïve.If u re beautiful, u can’t stay wit 1 manIf u’re ugly, u’re not up to standard.If u’re independent, u’re chasing men awayIf u’re dependent, u’re a liability:If u try 2 satisfy dem in bed, U’re a sex addictIf u don’t, u’re making sex boring.If u’r pregnant, u want to trap them:If u’re not pregnant, u’re not awoman or might hv damaged ur wombIf u ask men for money U’re too demandingWhat do men really want?Does that mean they don’t even know what theywant? OThey can be so annoying!!!GOSH!! please, answer dis question:if u are a man pls be sincere,WHAT DO MEN REALLY WANT? (I just copied and pasted)

Me:      Hahahahahhahahahaha

Interesting… what is the real thing na?

Him:    So you also believe this lie?

I and my wife have a heaven on earth relationship

Me:      No oh…

Infact, I want to believe the heaven on earth truth

Tell me about it?

(My part of the conversation, though very short, is cut out… I had to stop typing almost immediately to allow him flow… just enjoy his response…)

 

Yes now

You sleep on ur bed the way u make it

If u wana enjoy ur relationship… Just trust God to give u ur man

I can only talk about myself

A listening husband

I love my wife to the moon and back

I cherish her like no other

I respect, adore and honour her

I encourage her to be the best she wana be in her chosen career

I know she’s also human who have a life too

I can take bullet for her ni

For sex, nobody was born with dat. We learn together, make mistakes and improve on the skill… trust me practice makes perfect ni

We both are learners

It’s not a man’s world only

I will provide all her needs within my means

I’m committed to make her happy all the days of our marriage

I will chastise her in love

Correct her in love

I don’t shout on her cos she’s an extension of God

I make sure she doesn’t lose sight of the future God has shown me

I live as an example

I encourage her to love and cherish God more and more

I lead the way for her by my examples

Nobody looks down on her whether in my presence or absence

Even my parents can’t talk to her any how

I esteem her above all else

She’s my Sweetness, queen, crown, love, adorable, joy, precious jewel, treasure, dove, angel, dearest, sweetheart, honeypie, bestfriend, confident, accountability partner, bride, girlfriend, wife…

 

NB:     Please don’t ‘bully’ me by telling me how cheap words are… pray for him instead to continue in this “light”

 

Thanks for reading, understanding, enjoying, sharing and praying for him in continuing in these good deeds.

 

Meanwhile, I think the world will be a better place when we start spreading truths such as this in place of lies like the one above.