To the boys and girls that won’t let go

Sticking up doesn’t always produce desired results

Letting go may be more beneficial

More excellent

And more spiritual

 

If he says no

If she says no

Let go

If she returns…

If he returns…

Beautiful

But don’t waste your time

And do not make them look bad

For not answering the way you’d have loved

Do not guilt trip

 

You do not want to be managed after all

You want to be loved

You deserve love

Why not give love a chance

Pushing and prodding one who isn’t interested will rob you of the love you so desire

It will stress you and effect damages

 

 

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Choosing to pray instead…

For a single godly girl, I think it is better to stay praying and believing that God will bring the right person at the right time, than to engage in engineering hook-ups for ourselves. Usually, our patience will be tried but the hope is that it will be worth it in the end. A question I like to ask in relation to this is if we really/fully know in our own selves (the import of) what we have to be coupled for: that is, in hooking up ourselves in our own way, how sure are we that we are doing the right thing(s)? If for instance, we hinge on crushes, how effective can that be?

I’ve had my fair share of crushes that I clamoured for so dearly, and at different points, swore that it was either them or no one. Eventually however, I realized that I had based my desires on fleeting pleasures and exaggerations, and they all ended in the same fleeting light, and not in a marriage. In addition, I regretted having wasted my time and emotions on something that fleeting.

I’ve also fallen in love: prodding, stressing, desiring, earnestly wanting, hoping and striving, all the while enjoying the feeling. Although this was (or felt) worthier than a crush, it didn’t however end up in a marriage, and left me hurt and almost drained (at least emotionally). It also led to a nearly dented friendship (but for God).

So, is the goal of staying prayed up just to marry? No. It is to stay expectant and in readiness for the blessings God brings our way, which usually includes marriage. If we’re bent on striving in our own strength [think crushing and falling-in-love all over the place], we will be too distracted to see/focus on what God has in stock for us, which is usually not in the way we want it to appear, considering that God delivers beyond our imaginations. If we stay praying however, we’d be aligned with God’s patterns and readily identify what he brings, when he does.

So, what to do with crushes and in-loves? Get responsible and self controlled. Look them in the face for the time wasting and emotional distractions that they are and tackle them. Tell yourself the truth, and tell him(s) if you have to, but do not let something as fleeting waste your time. Time is essential and moves on even when we are not ready to. Therefore, as hard as it is, let us learn to move on and to control our emotions: a man without control over his emotions is like a city broken down without walls.

Let God match us up [marry-us to the right persons], and that way, we’ll definitely be at peace, and in progress, with every other thing.

Selah!

did you notice that you may not have realized that crushing and ‘in-loving’ are ways of self-engineering marital unions? I’m glad I could share this with you.

 

Beyond limitations

I have heard some guys declare that they won’t ever pursue any serious (marital) relationship until they can easily afford certain amounts of money. Recently, a female friend expressed how annoyed she gets whenever she hears about (good) guys who delay pursuing a relationship with the girls of their ‘dreams’ because they feel they do not have the money to do so. I understand the source of my friend’s annoyance, but I’m not exactly annoyed by such. I’m rather more or less disappointed. My disappointment brews from the fact that such a guy has limited both his ability and the ability of his woman. I believe in the strength of a woman to support her man to success. I equally believe in the strength of a man to pursue his dreams. I have also seen women support their men unto greatness, and men attain success by consistently pursuing their dreams. I also know that money is something that we can never have enough of, such that what you think is a lot today can really be minute tomorrow. With these in view, I think it is unfairness to oneself to accept limitations because of money.

Money is very important. Currently, there’s little that can be bought on earth without money, and sometimes, having a lot of it enables one to achieve much. So, I can understand what it feels like for a guy when he has little, yet is interested in pursuing a serious relationship. I however know that more important than money in such a relationship is the matter of consent and agreement. Have you asked the girl out? Did she refuse because you do not have money? I really doubt that a (reasonable) girl that likes a guy will refuse to start a relationship with him because he doesn’t have money. In fact, I know a lot of cases where the girl takes it upon herself to assist her man in birthing wealth. She may delay getting married until you guys are able to afford some basic things, but she’ll hardly ever refuse starting a relationship with a man she likes because of that. So, before you as a guy starts deciding things like this, just ask first. She may even not like you that much. Is this not even more important (and painful) than not having money? So, imagine you’ve spent two years making money to impress a girl to start a relationship and then she lets you know that she isn’t interested. How useful/less would that make you feel? Before you announce to yourself that girls of these days like money, let me help to ask you, “do you want ‘girls of these days’ or do you want your own woman?”

Before you start limiting yourself to the strength of money, may you realise that it may not even be the money you think you have or do not have that your woman seeks. Are you responsible? That may be more important to her. Do you have integrity? She may prefer that to a million bucks. Do you have a good relationship with God? That may be the most important thing to her. So, be sure you know that having money isn’t having everything. Moreover, if you can chase a thousand (dollars) alone, with her, you’ll be able to chase ten thousand.

By the way, what if she has more money? What follows? You detest her for having what you are yet to have? Please don’t be like this. Please don’t let money determine such things for you. Be beyond limitations. Be great. Be courageous. Take a step of faith, and with God, all things will work together for good.

God bless you.

N.B: ‘guys’ and ‘girls’ have been used in the same sense as ‘ladies’ and ‘gentle men’.

He’s in the middle of 2 girls.

I remember during the years of (senior)Primary school, when the teacher put a boy/girl between 2 girls/boys as the case may be, as his/her permanent seat for the entire term/session. The rest of the class usually considered the boy/girl a victim of misfortune, because the boy/girl in question was automatically ‘humbled’ until that position was reversed (unless the person in question was a natural-tyrant). The ‘humility’ usually arose as a result of the obvious side-lining by, and outnumbering of the opposite sex. The victim therefore had very low chances of winning any ‘seat’ argument/decision.

While I rejoice that I was never a victim in Primary School, I think this type of scenario often repeats itself in real adult situations, either by choice or ‘unforeseen’ circumstances.

Yesterday, I witnessed one inside one of our school taxis. These taxis which usually carry 3 in the back seat, already had I and a guy seated at both ends, waiting for the 3rd passenger. Shortly, as another lady opened the car-door at the guy’s side to enter and “complete us” for the brief journey, the guy jumped out, and asked the girl to sit in the middle. In shock and wonder, the girl asked why, and Mr young guy said “I cannot sit in between 2 girls”… oops!
That was a straw, because miss young lady got offended, and refused to oblige.
I was shocked too, very, but because of peace, and the fact that I wanted the vehicle to reach its destination immediately, I shifted to the middle, and pleaded with the lady to sit at ‘my’ end.

Of course the argument continued inside the car with the girl accusing him of low self esteem, and the guy refusing to be sidelined- it was an ‘uncultural’ thing for him…

So, people, what do you think of situations like these… Do they really mean anything?