Lagos Structures in real life

I witnessed a house being built. In a very short while, it was completed. The house felt so weak in my sight. I could see walls cracking while under construction. I remember telling my friend that I wouldn’t let anyone I know to live there. However, the house was overly decorated when the time came. More was spent on the decoration than was spent on the solidification and construction. I was very sad about this. But then, I began to realize, as I saw people swoon over the house, that people were more interested in the beauty/cover of the house than in the beauty/essence of the house; and to this the house developers  may have played along. Now, this house has been sold at a very expensive rate, and its high bargainer was the beautification of the cover alone.  It made me wonder a bit about life, preferences and business. Sometimes, people set out to provide good value, but because people hardly care about the good values that are provided, they step down into producing what people actually value/care about, which is mostly nothing of essence. Beautification sells more in Lagos, and because these developers understood the fact, they banked on it and succeeded.

Then, I saw another house; not painted yet solid and attractive. I didn’t see this house built. I however desired that I could be allowed to take a closer look at the house. It felt to me as one of those houses built with good purpose. Like one of those houses designed to the dictates of an owner who cared more about essence than beautification. But since I do not live in it nor know in details about it, I will never know.

The other ever strong official constructions (along Ikoyi/V.I) also catch my attention for good. I love the details usually adhered to during construction, and sometimes, I stop to just take in the intelligence and input of quality and value. Of course, these constructions are made in high standards to the taste of the fully understanding (of quality and value) clients willing to pay for the cost of value. These edifices are equally appropriately decorated afterwards, and the complete packaging (of exterior and interior balance) thus, sweeps me off my feet. And if there is any goal that should be derived from this, it is to be good without as I am within!

In view of the above, I used to think that a not so attractive/adequately decorated structure was usually wonderful inside (in essence). Fortunately, I got to view a house, and discovered that it was “as good within as it was without” [that it was indeed ugly]- I was disappointed. It made me realize that ugly without is sometimes ugly within, so, it always helps to look a little bit closer before drawing conclusions.

So, structures in Lagos are as live experiencing as several other life-stuff. I have learnt that people will do “your” bidding, so, what are you bidding them to do? I have also learnt that you can get the best so long as you are willing to pay for it, and that you can get the worst if you are not very careful. What have you learnt? Let me hear you in the comments.

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Establishing boundaries

What should our boundaries be; from relationships to career, to finances, to social life, and every other aspect of life? How much should we exert into things, how should we apportion these, and how much should we let be exerted from us? What should be off limits at different times, what should be accommodated? For instance, as a student, it is usually said that the focus and primary call should be/is working towards excelling in studies; thus, every other thing becomes secondary. In a similar light, what should be primary and secondary in our lives?

It is right for us to start with working on our time usage. Important is the need to imbibe the consciousness that we all have the same 24 hours a day and to only take what we can appropriately ‘chew’ within this time. It may seem weird and a bit off that time is first called to mind when talking about boundaries, but time still remains our most valuable resource, and time-consciousness and value will ever influence our choice of activities. It is within this choice of activities that the call for setting boundaries comes to play. What then follows?

Next is to know what matters. What is important? What is urgent? What is priority? Necessary questions to ask are, “in this season of my life, what am I set to achieve?” “why am I in this stage of life?” “who should I become from this season?” Asking these questions (and more) will draw our minds towards the need for priority and will help us choose the appropriate activities that consequently bring to pass our expectations and desired results. In re-discovering priorities, we then start to know what should be primary and then, secondary. When we know what is primary, and secondary then we work towards putting off limits what should be, and keying into beneficial activities.

So, for a Christian single girl for instance, who has all the ‘unmarried’ time to be totally sold out to God, and to become the best version of herself [without the total responsibility of/for family], her goals should be channeled towards these directions, and based on these, she’d work out what should be accommodated and what should be off limits. She’d set her priorities right and learn to set boundaries around, and protect, and consequently achieve her goals.

Every one of us should therefore continuously work towards setting boundaries to protect and to help us achieve the goals of the different stages of our lives.

Choosing to pray instead…

For a single godly girl, I think it is better to stay praying and believing that God will bring the right person at the right time, than to engage in engineering hook-ups for ourselves. Usually, our patience will be tried but the hope is that it will be worth it in the end. A question I like to ask in relation to this is if we really/fully know in our own selves (the import of) what we have to be coupled for: that is, in hooking up ourselves in our own way, how sure are we that we are doing the right thing(s)? If for instance, we hinge on crushes, how effective can that be?

I’ve had my fair share of crushes that I clamoured for so dearly, and at different points, swore that it was either them or no one. Eventually however, I realized that I had based my desires on fleeting pleasures and exaggerations, and they all ended in the same fleeting light, and not in a marriage. In addition, I regretted having wasted my time and emotions on something that fleeting.

I’ve also fallen in love: prodding, stressing, desiring, earnestly wanting, hoping and striving, all the while enjoying the feeling. Although this was (or felt) worthier than a crush, it didn’t however end up in a marriage, and left me hurt and almost drained (at least emotionally). It also led to a nearly dented friendship (but for God).

So, is the goal of staying prayed up just to marry? No. It is to stay expectant and in readiness for the blessings God brings our way, which usually includes marriage. If we’re bent on striving in our own strength [think crushing and falling-in-love all over the place], we will be too distracted to see/focus on what God has in stock for us, which is usually not in the way we want it to appear, considering that God delivers beyond our imaginations. If we stay praying however, we’d be aligned with God’s patterns and readily identify what he brings, when he does.

So, what to do with crushes and in-loves? Get responsible and self controlled. Look them in the face for the time wasting and emotional distractions that they are and tackle them. Tell yourself the truth, and tell him(s) if you have to, but do not let something as fleeting waste your time. Time is essential and moves on even when we are not ready to. Therefore, as hard as it is, let us learn to move on and to control our emotions: a man without control over his emotions is like a city broken down without walls.

Let God match us up [marry-us to the right persons], and that way, we’ll definitely be at peace, and in progress, with every other thing.

Selah!

did you notice that you may not have realized that crushing and ‘in-loving’ are ways of self-engineering marital unions? I’m glad I could share this with you.

 

To love and to let go

She didn’t see it coming. Nothing prepared her for it. They were just friends in her book. She couldn’t even remember the inception of their friendship, but somehow, they became best of friends. No strings were supposed to be attached. He was not particularly her spec; but although she wished he were a bit different in some ways, she never loved him any less. They shared the God kind- agape kind- of love, mixed with a lot of pleasantness and some dotes of fondness. They were able to talk freely about anything… until she had to travel out of the state.

Before her travel, he had said he would miss her. The weight was in the way he said it- the emotions… but she was naïve and didn’t understand. She was only quite confused, because they had planned the trip together, and he was almost the instigator of the trip; so why would he claim to miss her that much? She would later consider this moment in retrospect, and understand why he would miss her that much, and wish for it to return, but it would be late.

They became long-distant friends due to her travel, and tried to maintain the friendship. They still considered themselves to be favorite buddies, and talked as much as they could. They were just great friends as long as she knew, until he traveled.

His travel was quite different. It was out of the country, and just as she would ever accuse him, out of sight gradually became out of mind from his angle. She accused him of not thinking much about her. She became angry, and wouldn’t be nice. She wouldn’t even consider that he may have been trying to re-adjust to his new life overseas. He responded, and begged her to understand and to be kind… she couldn’t… she hadn’t figured out the source and reason for her feigned bitterness. By the time she had it figured out: that she was missing him sorely, it was late… he would rather they were silent than having to fight all the time. And she agreed to the silence, as she’d rather sulk than reveal… she was afraid: was she supposed to miss him that badly? She was proud: he wasn’t her spec after all. She tried to chide herself out of it, but the more she did try, the more she realized that she had become emotionally attached to him.

Her friends told her she was in love, but she denied and defended: more to herself than to them. For the most part of her youth, she had carefully prevented and avoided running into such mess with her male friends, so it was hard for her to embrace her new reality.

Since they had become silent-communicating friends, they only way he would know about her new feelings for him was either by a vision or by her own mouth. She waited for the vision to help her out, but none of it was happening. She tried to joke about it and to send green lights, which all failed her. She decided and braced up and let him know. It was very bad; he had not just moved on, he had a girl.

She was left to struggle with herself, her God and her life. She accused life for being unfair, asked God why he watched and did nothing as she plunged into such mess, and chided herself for not being careful enough. But since the beginning of their friendship was vague and unclear to her, the end of it may have decided to be clearer.

 

Lessons of life: Birthing Freshness

About yesterday/two days ago, I decided to return to my concept of healthy living through eating as close to natural (and as seasonal) as possible, letting go of anxieties, studying/meditating on God’s word and getting enough rest for my body. This has already started helping me to eliminate ‘toxicity’ and waste from my mind and my body, and I’m already feeling energized more than I would ordinarily have. These ‘results’ are however, not entirely new to me as I have previously (about 2 years ago) subconsciously gone on a healthy/natural journey. But because I wasn’t so intentional/earnest with it, I got distracted along the line. But since this is my season of ‘intentionality’, I have decided on also being intentional about my mental and physical health. It also occurred to me yesterday that because I ‘naturally’ do very well in whatever I commit my heart to/determine in my heart to do, that my chances of doing well in this (and in any other stuff, really), are high (so long as I stay/remain committed to doing them).
Today again, while trying to consider why I may have been unable to sleep well, to achieve my daily goals and other related stuff, some very little ‘solutions’ began to drop into my mind: change (and wash) your beddings weekly, don’t repeat nightwear and day clothes (wash them daily), bath nightly, wash your ‘undies’ every day and other seemingly ‘personal-hygiene stuffs’. But this may be of greater effect than I can imagine, especially because a lack of doing these is usually as a result of ‘little foxes’: like a little tiredness here and there. And since it is the ‘little foxes that destroy the vine’, I may have to starve the current ones to death, and create NO room for more to come. I really hope this becomes a habit. I hope to take it a day at a time; rising immediately I fall.
As usual, I hope you join me along this journey of good intentions and actions in this 2017. God bless us all.

P.S:
1. You may have learnt that if you really want me to do anything, just get me to ‘buy the market’ (that is, buy into the ‘vision’). LOL
2. If you have some thoughts about my use of synonyms/similar words together, just also consider me to be your Amplified version of the bible today. I really hope you get this joke
3. If we take some time to really pay attention to ourselves, we will discover a whole lot about us, and about how much we can (not) do.
4. I am squarely facing getting over an old bad habit. I may have to re-birt new habits over it, and starve it to death.
Ciao tutti!

Dear Bae, hoping for much better days.

2 things sadden me right now. First, my hair, and then, my phone.
Since the better part of last week, I have been desiring to braid my hair with ‘attachments’, mostly to keep my natural hair out of the way for a while, and then, to look beautifully different. I had a very slim budget for it: 3k financial, a couple of hours of finding a befitting place, and then, some more hours for making the hair- roughly 8-10hors and 3k. Dear bae, I spent 5k and about 80 hours- at least 74hours were spent in anxiety! I consumed my poor mind with where to get a good hair done with a 3k financial budget within Lekki-Ajah (for about 3 whole days or more). Then, I got a place at Ikota shopping complex yesterday, and spent about six hours making ‘feathers’ for 5k. As in, from 3k to 5k! Not funny. Worse, I don’t like the hair. This salon spoke a good game, but the outcome is just very ordinary. The only thing I enjoyed was their clean toilet, which I used only once. I was angry about the hair, but typical me, I smiled, said thank you, took their numbers and left. To add that they refused to ‘on gen’, and made me make my hair in heat until NEPA brought the light (because to them, 3k was too small a money), chai! Anyway, the lady that made my hair pulled softly, and I almost didn’t feel pain, until a second person joined and it almost gave me the ‘grains.
I am more angry (working on doucing it), that I spent more than my financial budget for such an ordinary hair. I felt so used when I saw the done deal. Actually, I started hating the hair when the braiding started taking shape, cause I saw everything, courtesy of the mirror that was ever before me.
If I had money right now, I’ll walk into a good (in deeds) natural hair salon, lose it, and twist my natural hair, and be HAPPY. Gosh, I feel very bad. Who put me up to this? I’m already crying (can you hold me for a second while I shed tears of disappointment). They talked such a good game that I was expecting the hair to blow my mind- but it’s just very ordinary. And to think that I almost doubled my financial budget for it! And to add that they wanted to charge me about 8k o! Kai, had I spent 8k on this hair, I might just have been heart broken.

To stretch this sadness, this Z10 started acting up. I hadn’t subscribed for a while, and immediately I did, it started misbehaving. It has shown me the ‘bb error…/20, flat battery with exclamation marks, and gone off and on at will’, just in about 18hours! Gosh, this is a (new) gift, and I’m not happy about this. What’s currently paining me more is that it’s currently working as a telephone: I have to constantly plug it to electricity to continue using it, if I take it out, it goes off! I’m very sad. God, please make things better.
In fact, I’ll just work hard and make the money for a good (i)phone. God!

Anyway, I’m glad this is a new day. I hope it takes away the sorrows of yesterday. I hope I do not ever get anxious for any (trivial) thing. I hope I do not fall prey to good game talkers, and I hope to commit to success.
I’m sad, but it will be better. I will it to be better.
Help me bae, help me. Help your dear bae.
Ma bi nu, contribute to my happiness. Getting some dollars in their hundreds will make some real sense now, I swear! Abeg, consider your bae.
Mmuah! Much kisses and hugs dear.

Being proactive, even with our reactions

Pro activity in this sense should entail being in charge of and intentional with/about our actions. In a cluster which I’m a part of, I listened to a woman speak about, and place value on intentionally loving your spouse when he appears to be un-lovable, for instance, while he is annoying you. I let this sink into me, and decided, in alignment with my decision to be intentional this year, to be intentional about my actions, even when I have to react to a given (unpleasant) situation. I consider this to be a form of pro activity.

I decided to be more alert in situations which I have to react to, so that things do not take me unawares; so that my actions proceed from the good/loving situations of my heart, and not from a seeming ‘turbulence’ in my head; so that I take responsibility for whatever decisions I may have to take in the face of situations needing my response. In this way, I do not have to turn back in regret, but in hope of good outcome-s, considering that I have put in my ‘best’ (or responsible action).

If I may extend such pro activity to my other business-es, then, it means that I’d always have to stay on top of my game, making sure that decisions are being churned out of wisdom, and not out of disgust or weary. I hope we all get better at taking charge of our emotions as much as we can. All the best to us.

P.s: “to churn out” has to be my phrase of the day. Although, this is only the second event where which I have used it today, I fore-see using it subsequently, and in a similar not-so-appropriate context [if you noticed].
All the best to us.