Lagos Structures in real life

I witnessed a house being built. In a very short while, it was completed. The house felt so weak in my sight. I could see walls cracking while under construction. I remember telling my friend that I wouldn’t let anyone I know to live there. However, the house was overly decorated when the time came. More was spent on the decoration than was spent on the solidification and construction. I was very sad about this. But then, I began to realize, as I saw people swoon over the house, that people were more interested in the beauty/cover of the house than in the beauty/essence of the house; and to this the house developers  may have played along. Now, this house has been sold at a very expensive rate, and its high bargainer was the beautification of the cover alone.  It made me wonder a bit about life, preferences and business. Sometimes, people set out to provide good value, but because people hardly care about the good values that are provided, they step down into producing what people actually value/care about, which is mostly nothing of essence. Beautification sells more in Lagos, and because these developers understood the fact, they banked on it and succeeded.

Then, I saw another house; not painted yet solid and attractive. I didn’t see this house built. I however desired that I could be allowed to take a closer look at the house. It felt to me as one of those houses built with good purpose. Like one of those houses designed to the dictates of an owner who cared more about essence than beautification. But since I do not live in it nor know in details about it, I will never know.

The other ever strong official constructions (along Ikoyi/V.I) also catch my attention for good. I love the details usually adhered to during construction, and sometimes, I stop to just take in the intelligence and input of quality and value. Of course, these constructions are made in high standards to the taste of the fully understanding (of quality and value) clients willing to pay for the cost of value. These edifices are equally appropriately decorated afterwards, and the complete packaging (of exterior and interior balance) thus, sweeps me off my feet. And if there is any goal that should be derived from this, it is to be good without as I am within!

In view of the above, I used to think that a not so attractive/adequately decorated structure was usually wonderful inside (in essence). Fortunately, I got to view a house, and discovered that it was “as good within as it was without” [that it was indeed ugly]- I was disappointed. It made me realize that ugly without is sometimes ugly within, so, it always helps to look a little bit closer before drawing conclusions.

So, structures in Lagos are as live experiencing as several other life-stuff. I have learnt that people will do “your” bidding, so, what are you bidding them to do? I have also learnt that you can get the best so long as you are willing to pay for it, and that you can get the worst if you are not very careful. What have you learnt? Let me hear you in the comments.

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To humans that freely give

When you locate one

Locate the other

Or is it not free giving anymore?

Is there something else?

Do you want something in return?

 

Why buy her a car for nothing and not her neighbor?

Or were you led by the spirit?

And which spirit exactly?

Only leading to the same person at all times?

 

If it is free

Make it accessible by all

Share it randomly

 

If it is not

Be true to yourself

And state it as it is

 

In a world of so much hardship

Free gifts are mostly welcome

And very much appreciated

With many blessings in return

 

If you therefore have good means and a lot of money

Bless others with it

And you’ll be blessed in return

But don’t use it as a cover for mischief

 

 

 

Becoming Undone

“It was her hair that got him to marry her?”

“How magical was the hair?”

“Isn’t that supposed to be so trivial… here today and gone tomorrow?”

“People must really be getting married for very crazy reasons!”

And she continued to consider the funny details of the story she had  just heard- about the man whose reason for choosing a bride was because she had the loveliest hair ever…

“But then, what if there was more to what he had revealed?”

“What if it was more than the hair?”

“Perhaps she was equally good, and smart, and tender hearted…?”

“How did the story teller even get to know these details?”

And she pondered some more, concluding that it really wasn’t her business, nor in her place to determine people’s reasons for their choices. She could pray instead for the man and his marriage, but she chose not to, preferring that people learnt to accept the consequences of their choices.

But then she began to look inwards, to ask herself if she wasn’t equally currently making any choice that people would consider insane. Her recent desire to relocate houses suddenly hit her, and she began to ask herself new questions- why really did she prefer this new place? Yes, it was beautiful and serene and of a good neighbourhood; but was there anything more substantial? She began to remember her uncle’s insistence that she finds a solid reason for house relocation or to remain in her current habitation.  She had fought with him, and accused him for lacking good taste in good things. She had let him know that she’d feel better and gain more in this new place she intended to move into. But her uncle had insisted that one could feel, and actually be better living anywhere, and being “of a good neighbourhood” shouldn’t be her (or anyone else’s) primary reason for shifting base. He had asked her to come up with written substantial reasons or forget about moving base. She had ignored him, primarily because she could very much afford the house without his assistance.  But she loved her uncle, and very much respected his wisdom, and in the light of this story of the man who she learnt had married because of the hair of a woman, whom she had also almost despised, she began to consider the fact that she may equally be in the same boat with him in this her desire to relocate houses just for the sake of convenience.

She subconsciously began to utter prayers for guidance over her choices, and surprisingly, over the man she had no idea who he was, whom she had also initially refused to pray for. She then realized the great blessings of having people like her uncle who would always stick their head out to see to the betterment of other humans. She began to appreciate him the more, and decided to sit in that day and produce a list of substantial reasons why she would (or not) be shifting base.

 

Establishing boundaries

What should our boundaries be; from relationships to career, to finances, to social life, and every other aspect of life? How much should we exert into things, how should we apportion these, and how much should we let be exerted from us? What should be off limits at different times, what should be accommodated? For instance, as a student, it is usually said that the focus and primary call should be/is working towards excelling in studies; thus, every other thing becomes secondary. In a similar light, what should be primary and secondary in our lives?

It is right for us to start with working on our time usage. Important is the need to imbibe the consciousness that we all have the same 24 hours a day and to only take what we can appropriately ‘chew’ within this time. It may seem weird and a bit off that time is first called to mind when talking about boundaries, but time still remains our most valuable resource, and time-consciousness and value will ever influence our choice of activities. It is within this choice of activities that the call for setting boundaries comes to play. What then follows?

Next is to know what matters. What is important? What is urgent? What is priority? Necessary questions to ask are, “in this season of my life, what am I set to achieve?” “why am I in this stage of life?” “who should I become from this season?” Asking these questions (and more) will draw our minds towards the need for priority and will help us choose the appropriate activities that consequently bring to pass our expectations and desired results. In re-discovering priorities, we then start to know what should be primary and then, secondary. When we know what is primary, and secondary then we work towards putting off limits what should be, and keying into beneficial activities.

So, for a Christian single girl for instance, who has all the ‘unmarried’ time to be totally sold out to God, and to become the best version of herself [without the total responsibility of/for family], her goals should be channeled towards these directions, and based on these, she’d work out what should be accommodated and what should be off limits. She’d set her priorities right and learn to set boundaries around, and protect, and consequently achieve her goals.

Every one of us should therefore continuously work towards setting boundaries to protect and to help us achieve the goals of the different stages of our lives.

To the boys and girls that won’t let go

Sticking up doesn’t always produce desired results

Letting go may be more beneficial

More excellent

And more spiritual

 

If he says no

If she says no

Let go

If she returns…

If he returns…

Beautiful

But don’t waste your time

And do not make them look bad

For not answering the way you’d have loved

Do not guilt trip

 

You do not want to be managed after all

You want to be loved

You deserve love

Why not give love a chance

Pushing and prodding one who isn’t interested will rob you of the love you so desire

It will stress you and effect damages

 

 

Choosing to pray instead…

For a single godly girl, I think it is better to stay praying and believing that God will bring the right person at the right time, than to engage in engineering hook-ups for ourselves. Usually, our patience will be tried but the hope is that it will be worth it in the end. A question I like to ask in relation to this is if we really/fully know in our own selves (the import of) what we have to be coupled for: that is, in hooking up ourselves in our own way, how sure are we that we are doing the right thing(s)? If for instance, we hinge on crushes, how effective can that be?

I’ve had my fair share of crushes that I clamoured for so dearly, and at different points, swore that it was either them or no one. Eventually however, I realized that I had based my desires on fleeting pleasures and exaggerations, and they all ended in the same fleeting light, and not in a marriage. In addition, I regretted having wasted my time and emotions on something that fleeting.

I’ve also fallen in love: prodding, stressing, desiring, earnestly wanting, hoping and striving, all the while enjoying the feeling. Although this was (or felt) worthier than a crush, it didn’t however end up in a marriage, and left me hurt and almost drained (at least emotionally). It also led to a nearly dented friendship (but for God).

So, is the goal of staying prayed up just to marry? No. It is to stay expectant and in readiness for the blessings God brings our way, which usually includes marriage. If we’re bent on striving in our own strength [think crushing and falling-in-love all over the place], we will be too distracted to see/focus on what God has in stock for us, which is usually not in the way we want it to appear, considering that God delivers beyond our imaginations. If we stay praying however, we’d be aligned with God’s patterns and readily identify what he brings, when he does.

So, what to do with crushes and in-loves? Get responsible and self controlled. Look them in the face for the time wasting and emotional distractions that they are and tackle them. Tell yourself the truth, and tell him(s) if you have to, but do not let something as fleeting waste your time. Time is essential and moves on even when we are not ready to. Therefore, as hard as it is, let us learn to move on and to control our emotions: a man without control over his emotions is like a city broken down without walls.

Let God match us up [marry-us to the right persons], and that way, we’ll definitely be at peace, and in progress, with every other thing.

Selah!

did you notice that you may not have realized that crushing and ‘in-loving’ are ways of self-engineering marital unions? I’m glad I could share this with you.

 

Out of the web

He first saw it live on his aunt’s computer screen. She had always lived with his family, and after she had realized that she shared the same (weird) hobby with him, she had begun to draw him closer to herself. They both loved studying. She first noticed the traces in his curiosity as a growing boy. He would ask her all sorts of questions that she considered more than his age. She had first discouraged him and explained that such behavior would make him to be tagged as a nerd and to become an object of caricature by/for his peers. She however realized that it was a passion that he could hardly control (like hers) then, she began to encourage that habit. She would invite him into her room to study when she was, and afterwards, they would discuss the key points from their study material. Whenever his siblings’ play disturbed his study time in his own room, she would invite him into her room to evade such distractions. After a while of observing him and concluding that he had no pilfering habits, she granted him access to her room in her absence.

One solo study day in his aunt’s room, he grew tired of serious study and wanted something a bit unserious and entertaining. He mopped around for anything that would catch his attention, but nothing seemed forthcoming. He dived on the bed to rest a while as an alternative and as he bounced on the pillow, a novel flew up. He was about to return the book to its position when the cover caught his attention. He had seen his classmates exchange novels with such covers but was never really interested in finding out what they were all about. He considered them too unserious for his taste. This day was different. He was ready to engage any unserious stuff; especially something from his beloved aunt’s room.

As he flipped the pages, it got more interesting. He was excited about the sensual descriptions he met on the pages of the book. It was his first time coming across such. He had never really considered that his body could work in the way that was being described. Nothing that was taught in his biology class really prepared him for this experience. He got to what he considered to be the core of the book: the description of the coitus, and that was when he caught himself wishing he was the man being described in the book. As his insides swelled with excitement, he heard footsteps approaching the door. He quickly returned the book to its position and returned to his serious study position. His life had however, already began to change.

His reasons for solo study moments in his aunt’s room began to change. His mind had begun to wander and to imagine all sorts of sensuality even at odd times. Whenever his aunt stepped out, he would neatly search her room for more unserious stuff. Initially, he wouldn’t find any, which frustrated him. He however learnt to put his frustrations to good use. He would pen down his own fantasies and read them instead. He also began to steal some glances from his friends’ exchanges at school. It gradually stopped being about the love stories between the characters of the book. It became more about the accompanying sexual experiences and about broadening his sexual fantasies. As he kept penning down his growing fantasies, he became less interested in the novels such that when he finally found a couple of them lying around in his aunt’s room, they could no longer match up to his expectations. He soon started to wonder if this wasn’t too much for his fourteen years, so he decided to pedal down a little bit. But it was already late: he couldn’t easily let go.

One day, his aunt had asked him to help her assess some serious stuff on her laptop. He had afterwards, diverted to mopping around his aunt’s system. He found his first video there and naturally preferred it to the novels. So he watched some more. He also memorized the computer’s password and would assess it whenever it was available for more.

The end drew near on the same day he considered himself a genius. His aunt had naturally first called him a genius because of his smart mind. His family had learnt to call him the same and would challenge him to several smart questions beyond his age, of which he never failed. He however considered their reasons very normal and wouldn’t address himself as such. He would only address himself as a genius after he had successfully innovated some serious stuff. So, on the day he saw it live for the first time on his aunt’s screen… the day he saw a clip exactly as one of his penned down fantasies, he accepted the genius title, but he was too afraid to be excited. It suddenly felt wrong. He knew this wasn’t any of the innovations he had aspired towards. This was solely supposed to be unserious stuff. So, it got him very worried and ashamed. As he closed his aunt’s computer, he began to panic. For the first time ever, he felt like a failure. He felt like reaching out for help but couldn’t share with anybody. He felt chained. As he walked out in shame, he bumped into his father.

It was his shivering that caught his father’s attention. As his father asked if all was well with him, he wished for the floor to open and swallow him up. He couldn’t look his father in the face so he bent his head and said nothing. Throughout that day’s dinner, he was morose and didn’t hear his mother ask him a smart question. While his siblings celebrated that their brother wasn’t that much of a genius, the elderly family members knew that something wasn’t really right.

The elderly ones were right because as the father walked across his son’s room later that night, he heard him sobbing. He listened closely and heard him ripping some papers. Confused, he tapped the door. After much silence, the father tapped the door again, and then tried the door knob. It was locked and the silence grew. Out of fear, his father jacked the door open. He found his son drowning himself in his bath tub.

After his return from the hospital, he explained his shame and fears to the elderly family members. His aunt felt bad and soon moved out of their house. His mother felt shocked and wouldn’t speak to anybody. His father however felt glad: glad for the chance to school his son that he was still normal and hadn’t really disappointed the family; glad for the opportunity to let his son know that he was just in the right phase of his teen life; and glad for the opportunity to be able to guide his own son through life experiences and disappointments.