Becoming Undone

“It was her hair that got him to marry her?”

“How magical was the hair?”

“Isn’t that supposed to be so trivial… here today and gone tomorrow?”

“People must really be getting married for very crazy reasons!”

And she continued to consider the funny details of the story she had  just heard- about the man whose reason for choosing a bride was because she had the loveliest hair ever…

“But then, what if there was more to what he had revealed?”

“What if it was more than the hair?”

“Perhaps she was equally good, and smart, and tender hearted…?”

“How did the story teller even get to know these details?”

And she pondered some more, concluding that it really wasn’t her business, nor in her place to determine people’s reasons for their choices. She could pray instead for the man and his marriage, but she chose not to, preferring that people learnt to accept the consequences of their choices.

But then she began to look inwards, to ask herself if she wasn’t equally currently making any choice that people would consider insane. Her recent desire to relocate houses suddenly hit her, and she began to ask herself new questions- why really did she prefer this new place? Yes, it was beautiful and serene and of a good neighbourhood; but was there anything more substantial? She began to remember her uncle’s insistence that she finds a solid reason for house relocation or to remain in her current habitation.  She had fought with him, and accused him for lacking good taste in good things. She had let him know that she’d feel better and gain more in this new place she intended to move into. But her uncle had insisted that one could feel, and actually be better living anywhere, and being “of a good neighbourhood” shouldn’t be her (or anyone else’s) primary reason for shifting base. He had asked her to come up with written substantial reasons or forget about moving base. She had ignored him, primarily because she could very much afford the house without his assistance.  But she loved her uncle, and very much respected his wisdom, and in the light of this story of the man who she learnt had married because of the hair of a woman, whom she had also almost despised, she began to consider the fact that she may equally be in the same boat with him in this her desire to relocate houses just for the sake of convenience.

She subconsciously began to utter prayers for guidance over her choices, and surprisingly, over the man she had no idea who he was, whom she had also initially refused to pray for. She then realized the great blessings of having people like her uncle who would always stick their head out to see to the betterment of other humans. She began to appreciate him the more, and decided to sit in that day and produce a list of substantial reasons why she would (or not) be shifting base.

 

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Establishing boundaries

What should our boundaries be; from relationships to career, to finances, to social life, and every other aspect of life? How much should we exert into things, how should we apportion these, and how much should we let be exerted from us? What should be off limits at different times, what should be accommodated? For instance, as a student, it is usually said that the focus and primary call should be/is working towards excelling in studies; thus, every other thing becomes secondary. In a similar light, what should be primary and secondary in our lives?

It is right for us to start with working on our time usage. Important is the need to imbibe the consciousness that we all have the same 24 hours a day and to only take what we can appropriately ‘chew’ within this time. It may seem weird and a bit off that time is first called to mind when talking about boundaries, but time still remains our most valuable resource, and time-consciousness and value will ever influence our choice of activities. It is within this choice of activities that the call for setting boundaries comes to play. What then follows?

Next is to know what matters. What is important? What is urgent? What is priority? Necessary questions to ask are, “in this season of my life, what am I set to achieve?” “why am I in this stage of life?” “who should I become from this season?” Asking these questions (and more) will draw our minds towards the need for priority and will help us choose the appropriate activities that consequently bring to pass our expectations and desired results. In re-discovering priorities, we then start to know what should be primary and then, secondary. When we know what is primary, and secondary then we work towards putting off limits what should be, and keying into beneficial activities.

So, for a Christian single girl for instance, who has all the ‘unmarried’ time to be totally sold out to God, and to become the best version of herself [without the total responsibility of/for family], her goals should be channeled towards these directions, and based on these, she’d work out what should be accommodated and what should be off limits. She’d set her priorities right and learn to set boundaries around, and protect, and consequently achieve her goals.

Every one of us should therefore continuously work towards setting boundaries to protect and to help us achieve the goals of the different stages of our lives.